Blue Collar Lyoko Tour
by The Grouch2232
Summary: The Blue Collar comedy by your favorite Lyoko characters. This is just a short thing I wanted to do and I know its not my stuff, but I just wanted to do it so please no flames about it being a plagerisum. I put that in my disclaimer.Please read and review
1. Bill Engvall Odd Della Robbia

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own CL, Blue Collar, the comedians or any of their material.**

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**Chapter 1: Bill Engvall-Odd Della Robbia.**

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Blue-Collar Lyoko tour and our first performance is a very funny man. Mr. Odd Della Robbia!

Odd: Was up! Hello! I don't like introductions so I'll get straight to the point. I just hate stupid people.

They should have to wear signs that just say I'm stupid.

That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?

You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops,

never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California. Yes it's true, Odd Della Robbia is a

one woman man. Her name is Samantha and we have a four year old son named Mark. So anyway

we were getting ready to move and our house was full of boxes and there was a u-Haul truck in our

driveway.

My friend Jeremy Belpois came over and said, "Hey, you guys moving?"

"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?

We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the

modern man.

So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...

Here's your sign.

A couple of months ago I went fishing withmy buddy Ulrich Stern, he's coming on next in this

comedy tour by the way, so we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass

this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, yall catch all them fish?"

Nope.

"Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was out in the front yard with Mark the other day and he was

playing with his little friend Ryan, Ulrich's boy,and Mark hit him and I went up to

him and I said "Hey," I smack him as a punishment and say "We don't hit." He looked up at me

and said, "Here's your sign, dad."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, there

was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. There's only one way to test that.

"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want

you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite

you."

"Well allright...hold my sign, I don't wanna loose it"

Last time I was home I was driving around I had a flat tire, I pulled my

truck into one of these side-of-the-road gas stations, the attendant walks out, looks at my truck,

looks at me, I swear to GOD he went, "Tire go flat?"

I couldn't resist.

I said "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago, a guy came over to the

house, drove the car around for about 45 minutes.He gets back to the house, he gets out of the

car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Damn thats hot!"

See...

If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

One day my wife tells me we have to do more things together and I say : Ok.

She says, "Let's go whale watching."

I go," Heck no! That's a sixty foot animal. We're in a six foot rubber boat. We're a bath toy."

She goes, "Odd Della Robbia, we are gonna see the whales!"

And I go, "Well alright."

So we go with our friends from Calafornia, they're nice people, don't get me wrong. It's just that we don't see eye to eye.

So we go down there and me friend goes, "Odd, yo, you know what would totally make my day?"

I go," Umm...a G.E.D?"

He goes,"No dude I don't want a ged. Listen, It would be so righteous if we're out on the waves.

Wo, waves, wo, waves, wo. And it would be so awesome if a whale jumped out right near the

boat."

So we're out in the ocean and surfer boy gets his wish. This huge animal jumps out and sprays us with this disgusting liquid.

The Californians are like, "He sprayed us, he sprayed us!"

I go, "He blew his nose on us!" We paid 200 dollars a piece to have a whale hack a lugee on us.

Then the whale goes, _Eek! _

The Californians are like, "What he say, what he say?"

I go, "He said Eek! That's what he said! That's whale for I just blew my nose on you now I'm

gonna tell my friends!" You guys have been great. God bless ya.

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**Get ready for chapter 2. Jeff Foxworthy-Ulrich Stern.**


	2. Jeff Foxworthy Ulrich Stern

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own CL, Blue Collar, the comedians or any of their material.**

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**Chapter 2: Ulrich stern-Jeff Foxworthy.**

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ulrich Stern!

Ulrich: Hello everybody. Odd Della Robbia everyone! You know women are so emotional. You know me and my wife usually watch 20/20 and Dateline and they have this thing called 'Disease of the week.' And my wife, Yumi, no matter what it is, thinks she has the featured disease. She's like, "I have that disease. I have every one of those symptoms."

I'm like, "You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have testiculars." And now they have these medicines. Back in my day there were two medicines, Advil and liquor. Now they have some that have side effects that are worse than what that medicine cures. Let me give you an example "Try new Floorafloor for those itchy eyes. Side effects may include: Nausea, indigestion, heart burn, upset stomach, stuffy nose, great risk of heart attack, fiareah, lireah, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, back ache, liver problems, low gas mileage, brain damage, low value on your home and anal seepage." I sitting there saying "I'm fine with the itchy eyes."

I went to school in France and we used to play tricks on the local Burger King. One time their was a sign that said' Interom broken, please pull to the next window.' My friends and me put a sign over it and it read: 'Intercom broken,please yell your order.'And so many people fell for it. It was like, "CAN I GET A NUMBER THREE! HELLO? " We had some good times as kids.

And now our kids. They are so embaressing. I have two kids.My oldest is aboy named Ryan and my youngest is a girl named Kimberly.One day when they were 3 and 5 years old my boss came over and I told Kim to say hi. So she lifted up her dress and I saw her diaper. And Ryan talked her into it.

I was like, "Yeah boss how do like the Winnie the Pooh training pants? I wearing the Lion King ones myself. Roar." Then seven years later I get back at them. And I didn't even mean to. One day I was in the school drop off zone and I run out of gas. The people are honking their horns and yelling. So the next day I pull up and there are teachers there to help the kids into the school because of the icy ground.

So I poke my head out the window and yell, "I have gas this morning!"

My kids were like "Just go. Just leave." If that has ever happened to you...you might me a redneck.

We had some good ones this year. If you've ever been on television more than 5 times

describing what the tornado sounded like...

You might be a redneck.

If you've ever cut your grass and found a car...

You might be a redneck.

If your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade...

You might be a redneck.

If you've eversold a real tattoo you already have on your body...

you might be a redneck.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate...

you might be a redneck.

We have words in the south of America they don't have in other parts of the country and I lived

there for almost all of my adult life.

Now,if youcome to the south, we have words like...yu'nt to. That means do you need to.

An example: We're going to the mall, yu'nt to?

I like this word a lot...aight.

That's a word in Texas...aight.

Round lunchtime every day, you'll hear somebody say,

"Hey jeet yet, naw, dju? Yu'nt to? Aight." And I have no clue what that even means. Me friend from Texas said that to me once.

If you go to the family reunion to meet women...

you might be a redneck

If you smoked during your wedding...

you might be a redneck.

And last but not least

if you see a sign that says say no to crack,

and it reminds you to pull your jeans up...

you might be a redneck. You guys have been great. Thanks for listening.

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**Please review and tell me who you want me to do next. Give the Lyoko charecter and Blue Collar Comedian.**


	3. Ron White Jeremy Belpois

**Disclaimer: I don't own CL, Blue Collar, the comideans or any of their material.**

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**Jeremy Belpois-Ron White.**

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, here's Mr. Jeremy Belpois!

Jeremy: Hey there! Hey, you ever take a crap so big your pants fit better? I hope that happens to me tonight. I think I might be one huge crap away from backing in to an old wardrobe. Now they have this thing called a "Bladder Problem Awareness Program." Look, if you have a bladder control problem you're probably aware of it. Either that or in some type of denial that I never even heard of.

It would be like,"Well I have some moisture in this area and I don't know if it's condensation due to high humidity or I'm pissin' myself."

In China they started a space program, which is totally different than the American program. You see in the Chinese program, Tang, is one of the astronauts. That would be cool though, being an astronaut. But my brother's a doctor, my sister's an attorney and I hate Thanksgiving. Last year my brother told a story about how many lives he saved and my sister told a story about how many cases she won.

So my mom is like, "Well Jer? Anything new in your career?"

And I go "Yeah! I got a new bit about sticking my nipple in a toaster!"(Says jealously) I should have told my story first.

I'm a cowboy, a real cowboy! The only thing I don't do like a cowboy is go hunting. And it's not because I think it's more holy to eat an animal that has been shot to death by someone else. It's because it's five AM, it's really cold and I don't want to go.

But my cousin Rodney is a hunter and I would like to do for you my impression of my cousin Rodney. "It was four in the morning. The air was crisp and cool. Of course you weren't there, pussy! I got on my camouflage uniform. I got deer urine on my boots, not sure why." I made that part up. " I got my 3.25 millimeter gun that can shoot a bullet at 222 ft per second. So when that deer got up to lick the salt lick I hung from the tree, I hit right above the eye."

And I go, " Well I hit a deer with a van! Traveling at 55 miles per hour. With the headlights on and the horn blowing!"

I got married to a wonderful girl named Aelita. She's rich, so marry a rich girl if you get the chance. I'm just kidding, she's not rich, but her parents are l-ooooooooo-adeeeeeeeeed! And they hate my guuuuuuuuuuu-ts and I'm waiting for them to d-iiiiii-eeee! I think they would want to die because they would never have to see my fat ass again.

So one day I was with my wife and this guy comes up to me and says, " I know you. You're from that Blue Collar deal."

And I go "Thank you very much." Which was a stupid thing to say because he didn't say if he liked me or not.

So he goes "I don't like how you insulted Garth Brooks."

I go, "I'm sorry I know he's a great guy,but it was just a joke."

He goes, " I once camped for five days to get into a Garth Brooks concert."

I go, "Really, I wouldn't camp for five days if I was camping."

When I first met my wife she had a fifteen dog-year old Scottish terrier. I was thinking, "No, I can't go through the death of this dog with her." A week later, _thunk,_ dead! That dog was fifteen dog-years old. If you want to beat that by a lot, you have to get a turtle or a tree.

So I call Foxworthy and go, "Man, she's crying like crazy. What do a do?"

He goes, "Get her another dog." Or however he talks.

So I take her to the pet shop and she's like, "I don't want a new dog, I don't want a new dog." But, we get there and they're bouncing in the windows like, 'Pick me. Pick me.' I give her one and it heals her heart. So her father died a few weeks a go. I think I see a way out of this.

So I take her to the retirement home and she's like, "I don't want a new daddy, I don't want a new daddy." But, we get there and they're bouncing in the windows like, 'Pick me. Pick me.' I give her one and it heals her heart.

Last year I got my wife a diamond ring and at the jewelry store there was a sign that said 'Diamonds are forever.' The slogan the year before was 'Diamonds, take her breath away.' This year it's 'Diamonds, render her speechless.' Why don't they just say it, 'Diamonds, that will shut her up.' For about two minutes.

One time I was sitting in a beanbag chair naked eating cheetos® and this guy comes on TV and says, "Are you bored?"

I go, "Yeah."

He goes, "Are you lonely."

I go, "Yeah."

"Have spent most of your adult life behind bars pursuing desires of the flesh?"

I'm thinking, "This guys good."

"Are you sitting in a bean-bag chair, naked, eating cheetos®?"

I yell, "YES SIR!"

He goes, "Do you have the urge to send me one-thousand dollars."

"Close!" I thought he was talking about me for a second.

One time a went to a bar in New York and I was wearing a hat and the bar tender goes, "TAKE OFF THE HAT!"

I go, "Sure, why?"

He goes, "Only gay people wear hats like that around here!"

I go, "Really? The only way we can tell that in Texas is if someone has a hair cut like yours." So, I take of the hat and have a few drinks. I put my hat back on because I forgot. Ever forget? Happened to me. So a guy pokes me on the shoulder and goes "Your out of here!"

And I go, "I don't think so Sea-biscuit." They threw me,didn't push me, threw me out of the bar and started to fight me. I didn't know how many people it would take to kick the living crap out of me. But, I knew how many they were going to use. So the cops come and they say, "Mr. Belpois, you are being charged for being drunk in public."

So they call for my police record, and satellites are linking up in outer space, computers at NASA are turning on and a telegraphic machine in Texas is going, _'Beep beep a dit, ba dip a dip dip. Beep beep a dit, ba dip a dip dip. Beep beep a dit, ba dip a dip dip.'_ This part takes a while. _'Beep beep a dit, ba dip a dip dip. Beep beep a dit, ba dip a dip dip. Beep beep a dit, ba dip a dip dip. Beep!_

I told you that story so I could tell you this story. When I was 20 I was arrested for being drunk in public. If you knew Morse code, you'd see the pattern. So, they bring me down to the station and the police chief goes, "Do you have any aliases?" And I was being a wise guy so I went, "Yeah. They call me 'Tater Salad!'" So back in New York the copshave me up against a wall and the cop goes, "Are you Jeremy 'Tater Salad' Belpois?"

I go, "You got me! You caught the Tater." You guys were great. Thanks for playing along.

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**Hey guys, sorry for the wait, but it's here now and if anyone has any more suggestions on who should be Larry, please say it in a review.**


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